Archive | mommy funny

January 2009 004 - Copy

Skills Moms Can’t Put on a Resume

I’ve been a Mommy for 26 years. I know lotsa’ stuff. I’ve earned my gray hair, wrinkles and the jelly-belly that looks like a road map. I feel called to give away some of my hard-earned wisdom and reveal to the younger generation the skills needed to survive this arduous occupation. There are many qualifications […]

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Multi-tasking Momma

Moms are busy. Moms have kids that always need Nummies in their Tummies because they’re Mindless Eating Machines. Moms have kids that need to often be reminded I Think I Can! Moms have kids that Cry, Sneeze, Barf, Fart and make Annoying Sounds. Moms sometimes have to yell at their husbands, Engage Bob! Moms know There’s Nothing More […]

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Mommy IS My Profession

I do not like filling out those long forms at doctor’s offices.  That is definately one of the bummers about having cancer. On most days, I remember to write my married name. Yea, even after 25 years of marriage on a frazzled day I might write my maiden name.  I’ve even spelled my name wrong – more […]

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Doing the Poddy Dance

Today at lunch time, someone was discretely doing the poddy dance. Ya’ know, that little side to side motion done while sitting on a chair? As if jiggling the bladder will magically make all the stuff go away. The sitting motions aren’t as obvious as the standing motions. That can be ridiculously embarrassing, especially if they add their […]

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BUT, I NEEEEEEED A CAPE!

My daughter, Bethany, is the best beggar in the family.  She knows how to smile and beg all at the same time with the perfectly, resonating voice.  It’s not so whiny  it’s annoying, not so sweet I think she doesn’t deserve what she’s asking for, It’s just enough pleading to make me actually smile before I say […]

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I Don’t Have Time for This!

It was supposed to be an easy task. I was going to reach into my spice drawer, pull out some seasoning, sprinkle it generously into the delicious, homemade chicken soup simmering on the stove, put my spices away, stir my soup, and life would be perfect. Well, nearly, practically perfect. A spice storm  had sanded the contents […]

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Parenting Isn’t What I Imagined

As a new bride I pictured motherhood with the same magazinesque scenes you pictured. A well-groomed adoring mother, that would be me, reaching for anxious toddler fingers as they took their first victorious steps. A well-rested, model-looking mommy, that would be me,  holding an engraved silver spoon full of wholesome, homemade baby food towards a cherubic, clean face with  […]

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Jesus Understands Mommies’ Problems

Moms of little ones might read the Bible and think that the Lord Jesus can’t relate to her everyday life with diapers, pacis and wearing bodily fluids. Granted, there aren’t verses on how to calm and encouraging during potty training. There aren’t specific verses about the stamina needed to break a child of a biting […]

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