How to Git the Honey-Do List Dun

Warm weather  and weekends are for projects, or so women think.

Warm weather and weekends are for relaxing, or so men think.

Spring is getting closer and our Honey-Do Lists are getting longer. The longer the list gets, the higher chance you have for marital conflict. 

I asked my husband for his insight on the  Honey-Do List.  Oh boy, did I get insight.  I should have asked him when we got home from the honeymoon and saved myself years of frustration.  This is a direct quote. Hang onto your office chairs, ladies.

His admission also proved this post  could have been titled, "The Man Who Betrayed All Men.”

Apparently, the 1st time I ask him to do something, he views it as a "SUGGESTION."

Hubbster explained, "I don’t want to act at this point because I need to discern if it is a suggestion or is really critical. If I hear about it for about six years, then I know it’s important."

When he heard me typing 90mph, he started laughing.

"OH, NO! I just revealed my trade secrets!" Yes, you are busted, Mr. P.

The 2nd time he hears me ask, he knows it’s important, but by the third time,  he knows he’s treading on thin ice. By the 3rd time I’m treading on thin ice, too, because I’m getting too close to nagging.

AS A WOMAN, anything that comes out of my mouth is important, so I assume I should only have to ask once.

AS A MAN, he knows I change my mind, my plans and my priorities, so he wants time to discern my asks.

The Honey-Do List can cause friction in marriage. After all, there are things only a man can do. I realized that after trying to pound a 16 penny nail into solid oak. I pounded and pounded and pounded, and couldn’t get the nail to go in. I thought it would be an easy project. I was wrong.

I ended up pounding the oak floor  in frustration instead of the nail. Yep, I did. Yep, it made me feel better. Nope, the shelf in the closet never got hung. I just couldn’t do it. Later, my laughing hubby explained how to drill holes in the wood first. It proved a point to both of us. There were some things he needed to do for a variety of reasons.

During the years my hubby traveled  for work and I was at home with six small kids, many things got broken. Many of those broken things didn’t get fixed. The pile became a source of irritation for both of us. To me, it symbolized his failure. To him, it symbolized my nagging.

At my next garage sale, I made a huge sign that said Honey-Didn’t Do and marked the broken items a dollar.  They all sold to retired men looking for things to do and women who had mastered DIY. Hubby and I both got a laugh, the list was knocked down in size, and I never missed those broken items.

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1. MAKE A LIST

The marital conundrum.  If you don’t remind a husband, he doesn’t remember.  If you remind him only once, he won’t remember.  If you remind him more than three times, you’re a nag.

Let the list do the nagging.  I bought cool little whiteboard for his side of the closet. The wall was textured and the sign kept falling down. I bought more double stick foamy stuff and used a ton. Didn’t work. I was gunna’ pound a 16 penny nail through the whole thing, but that hadn’t work 20 years prior, so I figured it wouldn’t work now.

I brought the whiteboard to the thrift store. However, the few weeks the thing actually stayed on our wall, it worked. He liked the idea of not having to remember the list and having the ability to do them in his timing. Now I keep a simple paper list.

 

2. DIY

Learn a new skill.  Bing it.  YouTube it. I divide my list into  Honey-Do and the  Honey-I-Dun-Did-it-Myself. Relieve some of  the burden if you can.

3. HELP THE HONEY HELP YOU

I needed a coat rack hung in the downstairs hallway for bathrobes. 

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They were in the way on the closet doors.

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I bought the coat rack I wanted.  The tools he needed were added to the pile.  When he came home from work I showed him the task.  It was done within the week.  I praised and thanked him.

It worked so well, the next week he asked me if I needed anything else done, since he was running to Home Depot.  I asked him to buy a white towel bar for the bathroom.  A few hours later, he brought me down to the bathroom to show me the finished project. 

He was as a proud as a kid with a homemade clay ashtray. 

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I smiled and stammered and said, “Well, thank you, honey, but that isn’t a towel bar.”

He stared and stammered and stared some more. The gerbils were running their guts out to process the information.  Coat rack….towel bar….coat rack…towel bar…

OH. I used glue and screws and it will NEVER come down.”

We now use coat hooks for our towels.  In the PNW it isn’t the best option because towels don’t dry quickly.  But, he was able to git ‘er dun, so we’re making the thing he dun got dun make do.

Speaking of git ‘er dun, this blog is done.  A three day weekend is coming up and I have to write my current Honey-Do List out. 

Good thing I know three ways to git the list dun!

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16 Responses to How to Git the Honey-Do List Dun

  1. denise May 24, 2013 at 1:23 pm #

    Hehe! My hubby also prefers I make a list. There’s an app for smartphones called Astrid. You can share lists and assign people. Adam actually showed it to me specifically for the Honey Do list, but now I also use it to keep track of my to dos. 🙂

    • Mindy May 24, 2013 at 2:43 pm #

      Of course there would be an app.! You younger people are so amazing. 🙂 I’m so glad you shared that, because, of course, I wouldn’t know. To use a phone, you’d have to be able to see it. And your fingers would have to be nimble. But, how cool would that be to assign people jobs. Maybe I should join this new world and get a phone that’s smarter than me…

  2. Tandis May 24, 2013 at 2:51 pm #

    “Honey-Didn’t Do” garage sale sign is hilarious!!!

    • Mindy May 24, 2013 at 3:38 pm #

      It worked. Relieved a lot of frustration for both of us. Laughter is a pressure release valve in marriage.

  3. Kendra May 24, 2013 at 6:41 pm #

    Amen

    • Mindy May 25, 2013 at 1:49 am #

      love having you back in my blogging life. 🙂 love having you in my email life. 🙂 love knowing you are praying me through. 🙂

  4. Jackie May 24, 2013 at 9:02 pm #

    Loved this post, Mindy! Since my hubby has been gone so much lately, the honey-do-list can get pretty overwhelming especially as we are preparing to put the house up for sale again. We got into a HUGE fight about this a few weeks ago. It ended up with us hiring someone to do the painting since he didn’t have time and neither did I. Wasn’t how we wanted to spend our money, but sometimes you just gotta in order to take the pressure off. I love how candid your husband was when you asked him about it. To-do-lists have always overwhelmed my hubby. I’ve started making to to-lists again, but I’m being very clear that I don’t expect him to get it all done in the same day.

    • Mindy May 25, 2013 at 1:48 am #

      Great point, Jackie! I didn’t even think to mention hiring or bartering. We have hired things done before, as well. We also pay the kids to do it if it is a job above and beyond what they normally do for the house. Thanks for sharing your experience. People love these kind of admissions because they know they’re not alone in the issue, and they find great ideas for resolution. May the Lord make His path clear as you sell and buy.

  5. Nita May 25, 2013 at 3:26 am #

    I pointed out my wish list today. Lee said he’d tell the tooth fairy about it — but he did one of the items while I was at work! 🙂

    • Mindy May 25, 2013 at 4:11 pm #

      Wow, my brother still believes in the tooth fairy? I found out she wasn’t real a few years ago. 🙂

      Good for Lee.

  6. lesleyannmc May 25, 2013 at 6:44 am #

    My life is one big honey didn’t do. I got a laugh out of this!

    • Mindy May 25, 2013 at 3:38 pm #

      I’ve blogged about this many times and gotten a lot of reaction. Once I imagined how frustrating it would be for my husband to come home after I’ve had a long day of homeschooling, laundry, dishes, meals and six kids and hand ME A TO DO LIST I understood his reaction a little bit more. 🙂 I should have blogged that. Anyhoo, thanks for stopping by!

  7. WholeHearted Home May 25, 2013 at 11:23 am #

    Hey, it’s Saturday and since I NEVER make a Honey-do-list maybe I can get away with it?? I am going to email it to him!!

    • Mindy May 25, 2013 at 3:40 pm #

      Great idea. My hubby reads hundreds of emails at work, so doesn’t use his computer for his personal life. But, for an email reading hubby, this is a great idea! The key is learning to work with our OWN husbands in how to motivate them, help them and communicate with them.

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