I have a new form of punishment and torture for my children – the internet.
They have been warned that I am now a Mommy Blogger and that they are under constant scrutiny to provide the next fodder for my cyber-soliloquy. I even carry a small notebook in my purse to doodle random actions and exclamations and keep a running Word document on my youngest child.
For years I attempted to journal the comical things they say and do on my daily calendar or in small notebooks for each child. But, who can keep two decades of calendars? The notebooks were read and re-read so many times the pages fell out. Now I have the means of chronicling their lives and not only broadcasting it to a much wider audience, I can have it preserved forever…
…as long as my hard-drive doesn’t crash (again)
…as long as I remember to back-up my computer
…as long as someone doesn’t spill milk on my computer (again)
…as long as I remember yet another password
Now, when I hear bickering, I pull out my notebook, not always so discretely, and begin writing. If I don’t have a notebook, I grab a napkin or a scrap piece of paper. When they notice the writing, they sometimes elevate their diction to a level of acceptability.
Sometimes, I may just casually ask, “What did you just say? I’m not sure I got that right?” with hands posed industriously with pen or keyboard, and they give me THE LOOK.
We all know THE LOOK.
All kids use THE LOOK on their parents. Their eyebrows and lips morph into the expression that quietly shouts both “What are you thinking?” and “Are you really my parent?”
Then I give them the PARENT LOOK back.
We all know the PARENT LOOK. All children have seen the PARENT LOOK after they have dared question the superior wisdom and authority of their parental unit. When our eyebrows raise and the lips barely smirk, we are quietly and victoriously shouting back,
“Yes, I AM thinking!”
“Yes, I AM your parent!”
“And if you don’t behave, I’m going to wear leopard stretch pants or a sweater adorned with beads, mirrors, and sequins the next time I take you out in public…and THEN I am going to blog you.”
Anything you say and do,
can be blogged against you.