In my last blog post I admitted I’m a liar.
I explained Why I Lie.
You learn to keep people lying to you, even though you might lie to them.
It’ all about that obligatory question,
“How are you?”
Years ago, I watched my husband on a Sunday morning. He loves people and honestly cares how they’re doing. He remembers things people say and follows up. Sunday wasn’t just about remembering the Lord’s death and hearing a good message, it was about connecting with people.
He greeted a woman we both love and respect. Scott shook her hand and said, “How are you doing?”
Without making eye contact, she answered, “I’m fine.”
Unwilling to release her hand, I watched him use his other hand to enclose hers gently, look her in the eyes and say, “No, I mean it, how you REALLY doing?”
His honest kindness unleashed the tears she had been holding in and she answered. Honestly.
(snipped from Dictionary.com)
Use a combination of
body language AND words.
1. Maintain eye-contact when you ask and listen to their answer.
2. After they answer FINE, ask a follow-up question, especially if you know specifics in their life.
“So, how was that last chemo?”
“Has your baby slept through the night yet, or are you still getting up 2-3 times?
“Is the new medication working?”
3. Prove you can be trusted with the truth
Reassure them you won’t repeat what they confide.
4. Don’t jump in too soon with personal anecdote or advice.
If you jump in too soon, they will never finish telling their story.
They end up listening, not talking.
.
You keep people from lying by you by proving you
want to hear their truth
and
can be trusted with their truth.
#4 is the hard one sometimes ~ Don’t jump in with your own story. They don’t want to hear it if they are struggling. Plus, it can sometimes sound like you’re “one-upping” their story.
Thanks for writing the truth, from your heart. Hearing this about Scott and knowing all I know about you… God brought together a great couple and He is using you both, possibly more than you both realize. To God be the glory… and, keep it up. 🙂
I find point 4 to be the most difficult, both as the “listener” and the “sharer.” Thanks for the thoughts.
Amen. Another beautiful post. Thank you.
Thank you for spending your valuable time with me, Deborah, I appreciate it!
Great insight, Mindy! I’d like to share this one with my small group, too. Thanks so much for sharing. I love reading your blog! Love you, sister. ~Maureen
Thanks for your encouragement, Maureen. It’s friends like you and your encouragement that keep me writing when I feel like quitting. Love you, too!
Wow, what a powerful post. This is so needed – true communication with heart. Thought provoking stuff.
Thanks, Jan. I appreciate you stopping by with encouragement!