While You’re In There…

Just to pass the time, and bring some comic relief, I decided to make a list of things I really would like the surgeon, Dr. M, to take care of, while he’s in there…..

You might as well take out the double chin….
I asked about this at our first meeting, you replied with a laugh that it would be an extra $10,000…but, I WASN’T kidding! What would it take to just send in a little lypo-vac and suck out some of that padding that filled in under the chin after my first surgery….

Can you send a little electrode up to the MEMORY part of my brain?
I need to forget all the things my husband has done wrong in 23 years of marriage. Why are wives so good at remembering and husbands are so good at forgetting? I can remember details down to what I was wearing when he upset me. He takes so long to even figure out he upset me, he says sorry in ten seconds, then forgets the whole thing ten seconds later. In 20 seconds, I am not even ready to CONSIDER forgiving him! So, could you do something while you’re in there?

I need my brain to remember all the things I should remember..like dates, appointments, phone numbers, MY children’s names, where I parked my car, how to send a text message, my cell phone number, logins, passwords, my mother-in-law’s birthday!, to check my gas gauge, my mother’s birthday, big words, common nouns, where I put my glasses, how to retrieve a voicemail, where I put my lens cap, where I set my coffee mug, and all those things everybody asks me to do and I’ve agreed to do based on the fact that I remember what I promised them?

Can you do something about the emotional part of my brain?
Can you shrink the part of the brain that gets angry and increase the part that laughs? Can you remove the grouchy gray matter and replace it with new, healthier happy gray matter? Can you poke around at the intelligence and reasoning part and see why it isn’t functioning?

Can you help out in the complexion department?
Can you zap that zit-making mechanism ? I distinctly remember hearing in 7th grade health class (with a lot for more embarrassing tid-bits of information) that my zits would go away after puberty. I didn’t even have any at the time, but I remember being thankful to hear there was a promised end to the misery to come. I am still waiting. Does this mean I didn’t quite finish growing up or does it mean it was another lie fed to me by public educators?

How about finding that wrinkle-producing thing and zap it, too. Strange combo, zits and wrinkles, but if I can only have one thing can I just have the graceful, wrinkles that make you look like you have endured life gracefully and not survived a gale force tornado by sticking your face forward to block the trauma for the rest of the family?

But, Dr. M., your job isn’t THAT big.

You don’t need to increase my faith, the Lord is willing to take my mustard seed of faith and cause it to grow. Matthew 17:20

You don’t need to mess with the prayer portion of my brain, the Holy Spirit intercedes for me with sighs too deep for words. Romans 8:26

You don’t need to stimulate any love in my heart, I love because He first loved me. I John 4:19

You don’t need to wipe away sins, the Lord’s death on the cross removed them as far as the east is from the west. Psalm 103:12

You just need to find a tumor, a 5mm tumor….

We’re praying for you, Doctor M!

But…while you’re in there….