How to Drive a Perfectionist Crazy

It doesn’t take much to drive a perfectionist crazy. A piece of lint on a shoulder or a stray hair causes even the most well-behaved to cringe and clench their hands together so they don’t touch a stranger. This desire for perfection can be so strong, sufferers are convinced that aligning the coffee cup handles will align their universe. I know it will feel like the day you discovered there’s no Santa, but seriously, that soldier row of mugs will have no impact on your day. Or your life.

When I realized there wasn’t an award for keeping a perfectly arranged linen closet, I let it go. You’re welcome for sticking that song in your head. You can read about my recovery from Type A perfectionist to a slightly Type B my-silverware-drawer-has-crumbs mom.

Not that I’m suggesting you purposely annoy the perfectionist you love, but if you did, it wouldn’t take much to set some of us off.

Just shooting the pictures caused me anxiety.

 

 

Perfectionist Torture Strategies:

 

Put an uneven number of chairs around a table.

Put on lipstick then drink from a white mug.

Scatter a few leaves on their sidewalk.

Tear a page from a spiral notebook -but don’t tear off the little bits of paper from the holes.

Put a luncheon plate in the middle of their stack of dinner plates.

(Bonus points for listing everything wrong with this table setting.)

 

Color a picture outside the lines and magnet to their fridge.

Put the bedspread on crooked. Bonus points if the sheets unevenly show below.

Un-spoon their spoons.

Let a toddler feed self spaghetti and make them watch -without wiping their face.

Turn the cans in their pantry so the labels don’t face forward.

 

 

Slightly tilt a picture on their wall.

Stack their towels with edges out, not the folds.

Turn the handles of coffee cups so they each face a different direction.

Drop two pieces of lint on their carpeting.

Put one strand of hair on your shirt sleeve, then talk with your hands.

 

 

Make one end of their tablecloth  hang three inches longer than the other end.

Hand them a note written on a ripped piece of paper.

Mess up the fringes on their scatter rug.

Hang one of their shirts facing the wrong direction.

Line up their shoes Right to Left and leave the shoelaces out.

 

 

Put a different colored hanger in their closet.

Scribble with their pencil so the tip isn’t perfectly pointy.

Put the wrong pen cap on their pen.

Take one bite out of every cookie in their cookie jar.

Open any random door halfway.

 

(To be extra annoying I unmated the socks then threw in one without a mate.
To add insult to injury, I didn’t smooth out the wrinkles on the bed.)

 

Pop up one of their couch cushions. Just a tish.

Button your shirt crooked when you go out with them in public.

Put their carrots in the fruit drawer.

Tip one piece of bread in the bag upside down.

Open their shower curtain three inches.

 

 

Now that I taught you how easy it is to drive a perfectionist crazy, please excuse the sufferers.

We have to wash our brains out with soap.

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6 Responses to How to Drive a Perfectionist Crazy

  1. Kendra April 3, 2017 at 12:21 pm #

    Just amen!
    As a reformed perfectionist with frequent relapses…

    Napkin, fork, plate, knife, spoon! Doesn’t everybody learn that? 😉🙄😜

    • Mindy Peltier April 4, 2017 at 2:25 pm #

      Yea, it killed me to set the table wrong and twist the design so it wasn’t perfect. GGRRR!

  2. Jennifer Zarifeh Major April 3, 2017 at 1:44 pm #

    AHHHHHH!!
    I laughed all through this!!!
    Thank you!

    • Mindy Peltier April 4, 2017 at 2:26 pm #

      Glad I could add some humor to your amazing life! May your writing be blessed!

  3. Kim Vandel April 4, 2017 at 8:08 am #

    Nailed it! (And thank you for making sure the nail is perfectly aligned with the wall.)

    • Mindy Peltier April 4, 2017 at 2:27 pm #

      Speaking of nail, walked in my perfectly-cleaned-on-the-market house yesterday and realized there is a HUGE nail in the middle of the wall. Not even a cute little “I’m hanging a picture” kinda’ nail, but a roofing nail, pretty sure, with a huge head.

      Guess who is leaving it for the owners?

      I know. Pure evil.

      Thanks for stopping by to read.

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