The moment you become a mother, your hearing enhances. It has to. Since we don’t have periscope eyes that can see around corners, or Superman’s X-ray vision, the ears make up for what the eyes can’t see. A mother’s hearing will become so acute, she’ll hear the slightest whimper in the middle of the night, or the bum rumble that indicates a diaper needs to be changed before the crying even begins. As the child gets older, she’ll be able to tell by the creak of the hinge which cupboard a child is in, or by the crinkle of a package which food the child is getting into.
Although having nearly bionic ears can be a mother’s asset, there are words that bounce through the inner ear canal and make a grown woman tremble in her scuffed up slippers.
1. “OOPS!”
What you just warned your child about in the last five minutes just came true. The kids will think you can see through walls, but your warnings are actually prophecies. You can foresee what will happen because parents just know these things. Kids never believe that setting their milk cup near the edge of the table will increase their chance of spilling it. They will think you are wrong until they’re a parent wiping up milk.
By the way, the louder the child says this word, the longer it will take you to clean it up.
2. THE SOUND OF BREAKING GLASS.
The more you cherish an item, the longer you’ve owned it, or the harder it is to replace it, the more likely it will be broken. If it’s easily replaced or something you found for a quarter at a garage sale, it will be with you until the kids leave home.
In that case, they can take it all that cheap stuff with them when they move out and you can replace all the stuff they broke.
3. “I’M TELLING MOM!”
The kid who’s yelling doesn’t think that what they did to start the fight is as bad as what the other kid did in retaliation.
If the chant is done in a sing-songy voice, it indicates that the child is happy to get the other one in trouble and the damage is minimal.
If the tone is childishly ferocious, the altercation could have become physical. There was some pinching, biting, scratching, shoving, slapping or punching done. However, a child is slow to confess unless the parent has correctly described the altercation with the correct verb. Feel free to ask about every type of action you can even think of because if you asked if they pushed, when they think they shoved, they will feel the freedom to say no.
4. “I’M BORED.”
In my house this is always followed by one of two parenting tidbits of wisdom. “Only boring people get bored” or “Then go clean my toilet.”
Any one of my children had more toys than all their grandparents put together had in a lifetime, so there is no reason to be bored. Plus, they always had arts and crafts supplies available, stacks of games, lots of siblings, a gajillion books and use of the sewing machine and kitchen.
They might also get a lecture on being thankful, being a servant, finding something to do, being constructive or the joyous life a freedom a child has. Sometimes for good measure, you can throw in a lecture on how much work you had to do as a child. Rotate the lectures so they don’t get bored.
5. SILENCE.
This is the worst noise of all. You have to learn to listen for this noise above all noises. It means that someone has done something unusual, something you hadn’t suspected, something out of character and something creatively, geniusly, hilariously dangerous or disastrous.
In the case of silence, move quickly to the quietest room of the house with camera in hand. Ensure child’s safety, then take pics. There’s always time to clean up – later.
When your kids are teens, you will need all the bribery and blog fodder you can use.
I always wished that I had a built in tape recorder (OK CD player now) to replay and replay the repetitive warnings and reprimands that I gave repeatedly throughout the day. Great post!! You are always a LOT of fun!!
This made me laugh out loud — it’s totally true. Usually when I hear the “oops” it’s my four year old telling me my two year old just started playing in the toilet or some other fun activity. It’s things like this that remind me just what a kinship all of us mamas have — the same words draw fear into the heart of all of us!
Mindy, just keep your teen up late at night, lol! Mine get quite chatty when it’s after midnight and they’re starting to get tired, lol!
This was really cute and I can totally relate. I could tell my hubby “Uh oh, one of the kids just opened up the potato chips in the pantry” and he’d be like “How did you know?”
Thanks so much for linking up to the “Making Your Home Sing Monday” linky party today. 😉
Oh so very true. Loved your post. :o)
Thank you. I’m sure that smiley face indicates you’ve lived through at least 4/5 of these things….:)
True on all accounts! Kids! They sure are something. I wrote about my ears the other night when I talked about not really listening to Molly during all the chaos at the dinner table. I wish my ears could multi-task too. 😉
And I wish my ears could have kept up to the speed in which a toddler can chat….
So true! It is amazing how our hearing is so enhanced. We can even tell the difference between crys when they fall down. Are they annoyed or really hurt? My kids are age 20, 15, 8 and 6 and I am convinced that the time we need the baby monitor is when they are teens. That would be one way to deal with the silence
If we could get away with it, the monitor for teenagers would be LIKE TOTALLY WICKED, DUDE. Not sure if that is how to speek teen today, but I tried. I was bemoaning the fact that my son used to chatter so much, we used to ask him to stop, and try to teach him about conversation. Now, he rarely talks. I should have had him fingerprinted as a child, he looks the same, but acts totally different. 🙂
Lol! My kids haven’t grown to the I’m bored stage yet, we’ll see how I handle that! The altercation thing is not new (kids are almost 2 and barely over 3), but usually they are both at fault so I try not to intervene unless someone is actually hurt and it is a pain when they don’t believe you and you end up being a soothsayer, its hard to resist “I told you this would happen!”
You are SO right, Alyssa, moms can end up biting their tongues until they bleed! Especially when they get older. However, consequences are a great part of the parental toolbelt, when used wisely. Your ltitle kiddos are adorable!