If you read carefully, following the given directions,
you will find yourself delightfully speaking
the vernacular of northern Minnesota.
Warning: It’s addicting.
1. If the letters are capitalized, speak a little louder, with a slight accent.
2. If the letters are hyphenated, draw it out.
3. When vowels are long, they are pronounced with a long, full, round vowel tones. Think BIG. Think open mouth, insert vowel.
4. Short vowel sounds are usually followed by the schwa sound and a slight inflection.
ex. mad is pronounced ma-ud
5. Long vowels are usually followed by the schwa sound.
ex. face is fA-us
6. If all the letters are lower case and non-hyphenated, speak them in a sing-songy way.
7. When a so is at the end of a sentence, or in the middle, or is the sentence, it rises in pitch until it sounds like you are asking a question. Of course, it is a question nobody will answer.
8. The terms “ya, you betCHu”, “oh, fur Pete’s sAke,” and “Okie dOkie,” have a broad interpretation, anything from “I agree,” “I think you’re lying, but Scandinavians don’t call other Scandinavians liars,” or “yea, whatever you say.”
OWt on du lAke, dey drilleDT FIFte-en tousant holeS, dere on Cross Lake for du Ice fishin’ contest.
Dey musta ha-ud holeS in dere headS.
It vas colt dat day. So….
Day say Tom CruiSe haS a cabin on dis here lA-uk,
but nobuddy seed him yet.
Fur shur, yu gotta uSe (s not z) bait, ya know, yu get dat down at du gasstashun, ya know.
dOnchu tink Jon (Yon) looks like he’S havin u goot time?
Ya, you betCHu, GramPU PIE-U he’S havin u goot time.
(I hope that is something Finnish having to do with Grandfather…
…that’s what I’ve always been told)
Sumbuddy’s gittin’ a littull chillE dere, fur shur.
Yu know, dem dere city slickers ain’t cut OWt fur du MinneSNOWta winterS,
ennymore, ya know.
Oh, fur Pete’s sAke.
Sumbuddy got a little bort and made a pond fur du bA-ut.
Fur cU-uht, dat dere be my littull boy, Jon.
I dont tink dis lookS lI-uk fun,
but dem menfolk, day vood do ennyting to get outSide in the vinter.
Donchu voory ladees, dey onlee vay du feesh.
Tree generAshuns of great white feeshermen.
Fur cryin OWt loudt, day got skunked dis here day.
So didt all du udder feeshermen.
Dey onlee gafe uvay seventE fIfe priSeS dat day.
It vas so colt, Even du lawyers had dere hands in dere own pockets, ya know.
My Mother-In-Law gave me some great advice when I married her son,
a born and bred Minnesotan.
1. Don’t gut a deer.
2. Don’t clean a fish.
3. Don’t use the grill.
Because once you do,
you will always have to do it.
Wise, wise woman.
She knowS how tu be u MinneSOtun voomun.