In September, I am always excited to begin a new school year. We have new school supplies, new books, and old favorites. I have high intentions of always making it the best year, with enthusiastic learning, awesome projects, field trips and momentous occasions of mommy/children bonding.
I have ways of boosting my enthusiasm during the year. The holidays are spaced just right to give me encouragement and rest to keep on. I might buy a new learning game, or find a new blog where the young Mom is eeking enough enthusiasm to share.
In April I am pushing myself to finish, but by May, it is total obedience and diligence. I am gritting my teeth, determined to finish something I started.
As usual, by the end of a year, I am honestly a little discouraged as I look around my home and my bookshelves. Some of the fun projects I planned never got started. Others got started and weren’t finished. It seems every little thing shows my failure. It is hard for me to see success, when all I can focus on is the failures.
The house is quite messy, due to a five month floor project demanded by a leaky dishwasher over Christmas. With the extra busyness of end of the year projects and activities, softball and baseball, it is hard to even keep groceries stocked and healthy meals on the table.
On top of the dirty laundry and the dust that could send asthmatics to the hospital, the weeds,moss and empty flower pots are taunting me to deal with them.
I am down, and the enemy is throwing sucker punches to my face, kicking at me and reminding me of my failings. He makes me wonder why I am homeschooling, why I continue on in something I am not very good it, and why I think I am benefitting my kids when I am such a failure.
That ugly voice is right.
There is nothing good in me, apart from the Lord Jesus. But, that ugly voice doesn’t want me to remember the other Truth – that greater is HE that is within me, that he who is in the world. When I look for a list of my accomplishments, the list is empty. With the help and strength from the Lord, much can be accomplished. And what isn’t accomplished, can be covered in prayer. He can make all the crooked ways straight.
I’m going to listen only to the voice of the One that loves me, the One that promises strength for today and bright hope tomorrow. The One who led me to homeschool, the One that will give me wisdom and the One that will help me to be the mother I need to be. The One that will give me courage and diligence to finish the race.
And while I’m down there, I might just dust that baseboard.