When I got married, I thought I married a highly intelligent, wonderful man who would function well in life.
I was wrong.
As soon as we returned from the honeymoon I learned my husband lacked intelligence in some areas. I had promised to love and cherish, and my wedding vows were soon tested.
He actually thought the couch pillows were for his head. He would lie down for a nap on the couch, grab one of my new ruffled pillows, put his head on it and think he was going to take a nap.
Can you believe that?
Thinking pillows are for heads?
He also proved his lack of intelligence in the bathroom. He actually thought the rug next to the shower was to step on when he got out of the shower. DUH. It gets wet and it doesn’t always dry out. It took me years before I finally taught him to dry off his feet before he got out of the shower and stepped on the rug.
You would think that men would at least be good with mechanical things in the house, like appliances. My husband actually thought he could put dirty dishes in the dishwasher. I had to teach him how to scrape them and rinse them and then put them in the dishwasher. Of course, he never could figure out how to put the stuff in the dishwasher, tall cups on the right, short cups on the left, coffee cups in the middle. On the bottom, plates in the front row, 8 facing east, 8 facing west, meeting in the middle. Along the edges you fit cutting boards and platters. Bowls can be tucked neatly together in the back row of the dishwasher and misc. items between the rows of plates and bowls. After he says "it’s full" I can fit another sink full of items in there.
Whoever taught men to place spatulas and utensils on their side in the upper rack? You could fit six glasses or one spatula. I choose six glasses.
My husband also has a hard time putting things away in the kitchen. To me, it’s obvious. We have a corner cupboard just for items to drink from. The bottom row is glass drinking glasses, short clear on the right, short green in the middle, tall clear on the left. The middle shelf is coffee cups. I prefer to have all the handles facing to the right, but I am flexible on that point.The top shelf is stemware, clear on the right, gold on the left. Easy-peasy puddin’ and pie.
BUT NOOOOOUHHHH! He just opens the cupboard door and randomly shoves stuff in there. I can just hear the reasoning, "Hey, they’re all things you drink out of, so I got the right cupboard!"
Do you know how hard it is to set the table when you want to use all the short green glasses and you have to rearrange the whole cupboard to find 8 that match?
He also had the audacity one night to set the table with two green glasses, two clear, one taco bell cup, one leftover sippy cup that got lost for a decade ‘cuz it was in the wrong cupboard, and two 7-11 Slurpee cups.
Speaking of dishes, once he served our daughter, who was two at the time, her morning cereal in a serving bowl with a tablespoon. It looked like a scene out of Honey I Shrunk the Kids. He’s ridiculous!
But you know what shows his greatest lack of intelligence? Choosing a woman who is so finicky, she needs to live on her own planet.
mAkInG fUn Of mOm What About That Toilet Seat?
Scott and I joke about becoming comedians so we can get paid to make fun of each other. Read the above posts so when this dream comes true you can say, “Hey, I knew those guys before they were famous!”
But, the spirit of the laughing at each other is to prove that even those irritations in a marriage can be used to STRENGTHEN a marriage instead of TEARING it down, if you learn to handle them quickly.
Laughter is always a good option. Forgiveness is a better option. Changing habits is a good option. Accepting and loving when something isn’t changed yet is a better option.
I respect Ray Comfort. He has publically acknowledged how annoying husbands can be. He also gives good marriage advice.
Marriage Resolutions from Ray Comfort:
Never mention the word “divorce” during an argument.
Vow not to let your emotions lead you to say things you will regret.
Learn how to say “I’m sorry.”
Be aware of your own faults.
Agree never to argue in front of your children.
Don’t let the sun go down on your anger.
So, in honor of annoying husbands, I am giving away the above book free in a writing contest. Leave entertaining comments below about something annoying your husband does. This is not actually a husband-bashing contest, write in the spirit of making fun of the demands or expectations wives place on husbands. You may enter more than once. It’s Monday. We need a few laughs.
A random committee will choose and announce the winner whenever I remember on Monday, April 22nd. That random committee may or may not include any random people sitting on my couch at that moment and may or may not include random people walking their dog in front of my house on Monday morning.
Oh, your comments may or may not be used in random blog posts in the future. Just warnin’ ya.
Once upon a time when my husband and I were blissful newlyweds, we had two lovely wicker chairs with yellow pillows in our bedroom. We also had a cute wicker hamper across the room inviting all dirty clothes to be stashed within.
For some odd reason, my dear sweet husband ALWAYS tossed his clothes on one of the chairs. ALWAYS the same chair. Don’t ask me why?!
So, one bright sunny day, a light bulb went off in my head!! I switched the hamper with the chair he ALWAYS dumped his clothes on. I knew this would help him 🙂 BUT low and behold . . . He walked across the bedroom to where a chair now sat (where the hamper had sat) AND threw his clothes on the chair with a boyish grin on his face!! WHO KNEW??
Nipping the bitterness that could have triumphed, I settled the developing issue, for better not worse. I got rid of the hamper once and for all and he has dropped his clothes on the chair or the floor for all the years since.
Instead of bemoaming for years over the plight of the clothes I have willingly picked up his clothes where they drop. In case you think I’m an angel for this, I have fussed over other stuff like mud on the floors.
For better and worse and following like Ruth, we’ve lived blissfully since and can honestly say that we’re learning to live happily ever after with romance growing stronger just llike in the fairy tales.
oh . . . and thanks fir linking up at WholeHearted Home 🙂
Sarah, that’s hilarious! When you talked about the picture on the wall I was remembering my friend who married the man of her dreams, but he came with black velvet John Wayne. She put it in the living room with her doilies and country decor for a few years. Then, it went to the office. Loved your encouragement. Thanks for speaking up!
Leanne Lynam says
LOL, I had forgotten the “battle” of the John Wayne picture… though there are times he still misses it 😛
But you were so gracious about it! I remember the first time I walked into your adorable home and saw THE DUKE staring me down.
My husband thinks you can buy a rug that’s cushy and soft and comfortable, even if it doesn’t match the decor! Can you imagine?!?!? And his favorite picture he wants to hang in the living room totally clashes. Thankfully, after almost 14 years of marriage, he finally recognizes that the purple candles go only in the purple dining room. They can be trained, ladies! 😉
Being a mechanic, my husband always used to screw the toothpaste cap on so tight, I would need pliers to get it off. Good things we use tooth soap now! Oh, and why does he always have to use the wrong cast iron pan for whatever he is cooking us for breakfast. Sheesh, you think he could get that right if he is going to serve me by giving me a break from cooking 😉 (Seriously, when I was pregnant with Hailey and extremely hormonal, one of our biggest fights was over what pan to use for pancakes. Give me a break! I can’t believe I could make such a big deal over nothing. Totally shot myself in the foot with that one).
That is hilarious about the toothpaste lid! Most of us have the problem of not having the lid put back on! I think you really nailed the main problem with the way we criticize our husbands, they’re trying to help and to serve, but it’s not OUR WAY, so we get upset, then they don’t want to try to help and serve. Thanks for speaking up and sharing your laugh and your wisdom with us!
Fawn Weaver says
Too funny, Mindy! And I love this, “Laughter is always a good option. Forgiveness is a better option. Changing habits is a good option. Accepting and loving when something isn’t changed yet is a better option.”
Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment. I’m glad you were able to laugh today. Laughter is a good way to survive through life.
Before I laughed I panicked… I STAND ON THE BATHROOM RUG without drying off my feet after my shower. I sat there thinking for a split minute, “Is she really serious?” THEN… I kept reading….and soon I was laughing out loud. You’re definitely funny!
My husband is “juicing” to lose weight – how annoying is that? 😉 😉 😉
When he juices – every single night – he sometimes lets the juicer get a little crazy and the cupboards and walls and ceiling end up with pieces of pulp plastered to them. ugh! When I remind him to wipe it off right away so it doesn’t stick/glue/stain the walls he laughs and says, “Wow, it got way up there??” As he stands gazing at where the pulp went. He is always impressed, like it was his goal all along!!! I tell ya… if I wasn’t rolling my eyes and holding back a laugh, I’d really be ticked. 😉
Part of the bathroom rug issue is that we live in an extremely wet climate with 85% moisture in air, I heard that stat somewhere. So, towels and rugs never dry out between showers, like they do in the dry ND climate, unless they don’t get soaking wet. Wet towels in the laundry mildew in days and ruin all your clothes. So, there’s always an underlying reason to my insane demands!
I’m picturing the juice splatters and laughing. Of course there would be splatters, he has to take the lid off the juicer and see how it’s working, right? At least you’re tall enough to reach those splatters….
Oh and thanks so much for linking up to the “Making Your Home Sing Monday” linky party today! 🙂
You’re welcome! Thanks for always sending the reminder in email now. That is GREAT! Usually I’ve been forgetting. you are like my Bloggy and my Funny mentor.
You know, if I had the time and energy I might just give you all a run for your money, lol!
My hubby has the nerve to want to sit on the pretty sofa cushions on the wicker furniture in the sunroom. The nerve. Then he insists upon leaning back onto the pillows. Rude. You think he owned the place.
He has the nerve to actually want to USE my pretty little teapot. Why? Why would someone want to do that? You think it was meant to be used or something.
He has the nerve to use the new towels I bought. They are big and fluffy and he actually thinks that they would be good to use after his shower. Who DOES that?
Oh, and he thinks that the fruit is actually meant to be eaten instead of on display. Silly man.
He doesn’t think that plastic should be on furniture to protect it, when the kids were little he believed that boys needed a dog and a dog needed a boy and that they should coexist in the same bed. Dogs…….in bed with MY kids? Shudder.
Oh, and did you know that apparently boys and mud go together? Who knew?
But I think the worst of it is that he expects our home should be lived in. Seriously, he expects that. How am I supposed to have a showroom home when he keeps running around and insisting upon sitting on the furniture, moving the pillows, putting newspapers on the couch and actually USING the dishes. Ugh. 🙂
Girl, you crack me up. Maybe our husbands are twins. Or maybe we are. Or maybe we’re twins married to twins. I actually wrote this in July and laughed when you blogged about men and dishwashers. Great minds think alike. 🙂
See, you expressed exactly why my husband wants me to live on my own planet.
Dana Kolste says
Annoying? My husband? The man who leaves almost empty soda cans within reach of just-learning-to-walk toddlers? No way. When other people complain about their annoying husbands I can honestly say “I am SO GLAD my husband isn’t annoying like that!”
You know, honestly, none of us have annoying husbands. I think we just get annoyed. 🙂 Thanks for sharing. You have a great way with words.
Mom's Living Leaner says
my husband thinks the kitchen sink is a “holding tank” for the dishwasher. I don’t understand, just rinse and put the bowl directly into the dishwasher. It does not need to “hang out” in the kitchen sink all day before making its way into said dishwasher..
Maybe they’re teenage dishes and have a need to “hang out” instead of going directly into the place where they’re wanted…
Thanks for joining us today!
A Proverbs 31 Wife says
Hahaha! where to begin 😉
How does hubby annoy me?
He grabs my rear while we are out in public. “I looked” he says, “no one saw it”!
Attempting to throw his clothes into the clothes-hamper while clear across the room. This results in his stuff missing, or landing in the wrong hamper.
The lunch-box that gets set on my counter, just as I’m needing to make dinner. The coats that take up permanent residence in my kitchen during the winter.
But. when I ask sweetly, he will do just about anything for me. Some of the most annoying jobs around here, he does without blinking an eye, and every morning that I don’t have to work, he comes and tucks me back in bed before he leaves. 🙂 No room for me to complain here.
Love, love, love this comment! Especially since I am also married to a rear-grabbing hubby. I appreciate you joining into the spirit of the fun. Laughter and acceptance are really part of making marriage work! Thanks for your comment!
A Proverbs 31 Wife says
Who isn’t married to a rear grabbing hubby? lol